… Or how to use statistics to prove any point you want, no matter how ridiculous…

Welcome to the first in what could become a regular feature, where I compare Shola to some of the world’s leading strikers.

Round One.

First up:

"Shola!? You have got to be shitting me!"

Fernando Torres. All £50 million of him.

Seem a ridiculous comparison?

Not really.

In terms of honours, actually, the picture is remarkably similar. Both have won a second division (whatever it is called now in England) title with the their home town team. In fact I would give Shola the edge as he was a part of Newcastle’s Intertoto Cup winning team (what do you mean it wasn’t a real trophy!?). Fair enough Torres won Euro 2008 and the World Cup 2010 (without really playing) with Spain, but I would argue that Shola could have taken Torres’ role in that Spanish team and they still would have won.

So let’s look at their stats from this season, so far to try and split them apart.

Torres: 43 appearances/10 goals
Ameobi: 29 appearances/9 goals


So, averaged out.

Torres: One goal every 4.3 appearances
Ameobi: One goal every 3.2 appearances.

Obviously, Torres has a greater body of work than Shola, despite being two years younger, but, the question stands. Who would you rather have up front for your team this season? The Pendower Pele, scoring a goal just over every three games for an inconsistent mid-table team? Or El Nino, struggling to make a mark despite being surrounded by an expensively assembled cast of talent at the second best team in the league?

I’m sorry, Fernando. The answer is obvious. I have to agree with the away fans at Stamford Bridge yesterday: “You’re just a shit Ameobi”*

The Pendower Pele after hitting the back of the net. You'd struggle to find a pic of Torres in a Chelsea shirt in a similar pose.

*This season at least.

About Neil

28 years old. Geordie. Lived in Berlin almost three years. All-round canny lad.
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4 Responses to Sho(la)down

  1. Roger Payne says:

    I eagerly await the first comment from some deluded types who haven’t read the sentence in italics at the top.

    I’ve read plenty of bizarre statistics about more useful players in the Premier League than Fernando Torres this season – you know the sort, stuff like ‘Edwin van der Saar has more assists for visiting teams at Old Trafford’ or ‘Shola has scored more goals than Torres at Stamford Bridge this season’.

    However when attempting to recount such things I was struggling so typed ‘ridiculous Fernando Torres statistics’ into Google you will be heartened to know that you come up 5th, just below Wikipedia, Soccernet, YouTube and the Daily Telegraph…

    • Neil says:

      Ha ha – Excellent. I just checked that now and I’m up to fourth! And I’m second for ‘Shola Ameobi statistics’. As that one doesn’t have the word ‘ridiculous’ in it, I feel that I am now able to label myself a ‘journalist’, and not just a ‘blogger’ with a Shola fascination.

      I expect the job offer from the Times, or a similar respectable publication, will arrive soon.

      It’s not my proudest moment, though. That was when I found out I also score highly when you Google ‘Michael Owen prostitute’. In fact, I just double-checked this and I am now the first result! Internet fame at last!

  2. Pingback: The Sho(la)down. Round Two. | Wor Man in Berlin

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